can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
