Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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