So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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