I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
