I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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