Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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