and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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