I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
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My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
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HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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