They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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