Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
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I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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