i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
