We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
