I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize