If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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