yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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