He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
