I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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