I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
