also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
