Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
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not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize