was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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