but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
