If i come over, it means nothing
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
