Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
