tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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