I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
