you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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