Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
