He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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