wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Drake has all the answers
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
