I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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