Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
