On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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