Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
