she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize