did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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