I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You are the jesus of drinking
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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