Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
