that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?