just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
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Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
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Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.