i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
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They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.