We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
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that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
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Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.