I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.