took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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