I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.