I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
