um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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