I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize