you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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