lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
