I heard we made out
another moral hangover. fuck.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
