the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
