dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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