You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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