shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
