Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
