Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
