She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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