We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
