Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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