this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
