Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
