She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
