I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
