Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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