i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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