As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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