she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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